Constant state of arousal ...

At the end of my last post I stated that my horniness is beginning to take me places that I never imagined I would go, and I probably should clarify that by saying that this has been going on for some time now, but has really escalated over the last 4 years, and it definitly coincides with a certain person who came in to my life shortly before I was to be married for the 2nd time, because this person seemed to have an incredibly ability to extract my deepest, darkest, kinkiest and most taboo of fantasies that I had never shared with anyone before, and once I began to reveal them, they seemed to take a life on of their own. The more we discussed them, the more consumed I would become with them, and I also began to feel more comfortable disclosing these fantasies because this person did not judge me in the very least, and instead, began to encourage me to consider exploring some of them for real, and that they could guide me and allow me a safe environment to explore them. Soon after this I started to really learn how powerful my sexuality really was, and the type of control it could give me with the proper planning. One of my problems when I was younger was how impulsive I was, and I learned the hard way that impulsive decisions, especially concerning sex, usually are not the best thing, but even with this said, there are times where my now seemingly constant state of arousal just seem to take me over. I have heard all of my adult life about how men are controlled by the brain in their little head, and I now am so relating to this because many times now the ache in between my legs makes my decisions for me, but at least I have some awareness of this, and most of the time I can feel it building and plan a way to satisfy it, but many times when I feed the ache, instead of satisfying it, it makes it even more intense, and these are the times when my slutty desires will lead me around like a dog on a leash.

After my little showoff tease to my neighbors son, I went to the darkened guest room and masturbated for 45 minutes. It was not until I came a 3rd time did the thoughts of going back in to my bedroom and letting him watch me masturbate subside. I am 95% sure he was jerking off as he watched me undressing from his bedroom next door, and although I pretended to not be the least bit aware that he was watching me, and I had to make it look accidental, as I masturbated, my horny thoughts kept telling me it would not look staged if I were to lay on my bed after undressing, and masturbate shamelessly because no one else was home in my house, and I am a woman in her sexual prime, and eveyone knows it is very normal to masturbate.
Somthing I have not disclosed yet is that I see a therapist once a week, largely to help me work through some issues I have with my mother, but during the course of the past 3 years, I slowly began disclosing some of my attention seeking behavior, although I dont even come close to disclosing the real truth, I mask it by saying I will flirt/tease with body language, etc, but even with giving limited details, my therapist quickly mentioned that it appears as though I enjoy the attention of strangers, and especially when I control the situation. She went on to even ask me in a session if I thought I might be an "attention whore", and after disclosing a little more to her, she said it sounds like when I know I have someones attention, and I know that they are being turned on by me, I enjoy, as she put it, validating their price of admission, meaning once I have their attention, I get off on giving them a .... a good look, and by me pretending to not be doing it on purpose is a way for me to still appear as though I am a "good girl", because to do it openly and purposely is something only a .... slut .... would do.
I don't know where I am going with all of this, but while I just brought it up, the whole slut thing is something that has always turned me on like CRAZY! Even as a teenager I fantasized about being treated like a dirty little slut as I masturbated and thinking about that always made me cum so hard. As I grow older and a little wiser, it seems many women share these feelings but are afraid of being labled as a slut, and especially younger girls, but one of the things the person who came in to my life a few years ago taught me is that we only live once, and I am an attractive fit sexy woman, but one day I will be old and wrinkled, and I do not want to look back with regret.

Okay, now that I have totally confused you lol, I will tell you that I make myself cum when showering before work every morning and this has become second nature for me, and I cannot even imagine beginning my day without doing this. Many times I could keep my horniness in check until I get home, or at least until I get in to my car after work, but usually my exhibitionistic tendencies take over once Im in my car, and especially on the days where I am wearing a skirt or dress because I have a 90 min drive home and much of it is in traffic and I usually cannot stop myself from "unintentionally" showing off my legs, and usually when I wear a skirt or dress, I typically always wear either lace top thigh highs or lace top stockings attached to a garter, but the garter is a pain so my 1st choice is always thigh highs, and when I am wearing them I love to show a hint of them. At times it takes every ounce of control I have to keep from doing this while at work, but this is one line I have not crossed yet and plan on keeping it that way .... hopefully. However, now there are many days where I cannot wait until I get home at night to masturbate. I just cannot do it. My mind becomes so consumed with sexual thought, and before I know it my nipples and clit are hard and throbbing and I can feel my wetness seeping in to the crotch of my panties. Then once I feel that very familiar wet panty feeling, it is a constant reminder of how horny my little cunt is. I am fortunate to have my own office complete with my own private bathroom, but there are times that I get so obsessed by being possibly heard or caught masturbating, that I go to the public ladies room down the hall and will go in to a stall and finger myself. The problem with this is it is very difficult for me to remain quiet once I get going. My breathing gets so deep and the closer I get to coming it is almost like I dont even care who hears me.

I now need to make myself cum because I have to meet a co-worker for lunch in the cafeteria, and today I am wearing a dress and thigh highs and if I go to the cafeteria THIS horny, I am afradi I will not be able to stop myself from flashing someone *blush*

On Monday I will do my best to share the ... submissive slut .... side of me, which the person who came in to my life a few years ago is very responsible for bringing out of me.

I can be such a naughty girl, and the cool thing about him is he the naughtier and sluttier I behave, the more he will call me a "good girl" :)